When a relationship ends, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself and tell yourself that you were the problem. But what are you really doing when you focus your attention and energy on blaming yourself? You are essentially giving away your power and letting the past control you. When you remain stuck in the past and convinced that you are not good enough, you miss all the wonderful things that lie ahead for you!
Here are my top 7 ways that you can regain your confidence and put the control of your life back into your own hands so you can move forward and start living the life you deserve:
1. Focus on the things you can control.
Getting overly obsessed with things that are out of your control will not help you move forward. Instead, it will waste your time and energy that would be better spent reassessing your situation and focusing on all the things available to you that can help you get back to where you want to be.
2. Separate “I made a mistake” from “I am the mistake.”
Mistakes are things that we do, not who we truly are. Everyone makes mistakes and that is okay. It’s how we learn and grow stronger in our understanding of the world around us and of ourselves. Instead of dwelling on the mistake itself, focus on what the experience taught you and how the experience has made you are a more knowledgeable person going forward.
3. Celebrating the small wins.
We tend to punctuate grand achievements with events, parties, etc., but how often do we celebrate our other successes? And why are the small things not considered to be an occasion for celebration? A win is a win, right? Maybe you have been sleeping better or you took the time to organize your room. Maybe you were able to get out and take a walk. All of those things are reasons to celebrate!
4. Stop the comparison game.
The only person you are in competition with is yourself. Comparing yourself to others doesn’t help you in the long run because there will always be someone with more or someone that does something better than you. What truly matters is that you are improving your skills and moving forward toward your goals on your own terms in the way that works best for you.
5. Stop the negative self-talk.
How to talk to yourself is so important. We can get so used to hearing that negative voice inside our head that it becomes automatic and subconscious. When you constantly tell yourself that you are wrong, or not good enough, or not capable of improving your situation, you are self-sabotaging. Instead of saying, “I can’t do it,” try “I am capable of figuring this out.”
6. Set your intentions and goals.
A great way to focus on yourself instead of others is to slow down and reconnect with your intentions and your goals. What are the things in your life that are most important to you? How can you be more present to enjoy those things? Set a goal and make a plan of action to do the things that will get you there.
7. Empower yourself with a new perspective.
When you are feeling unmotivated or incapable, step out of your comfort zone for a change of scenery and a new perspective on the situation. Learning a new skill is a great way to regain your self-esteem and feel empowered in your abilities. Surround yourself with the people that lift you up and encourage you to be better rather than the people that only tell you what you want to hear. Listen to r read inspirational books that may change your perspective on a certain topic.
Allowing a breakup to define you and control you is detrimental to your mental and physical wellbeing. Without a strong sense of self and a foundation of confidence, you are very likely to carry the toxic behaviors from your past relationship into your next relationship. Only you have the power to control how you move forward after a breakup!